Colorado’s Third Congressional District: A GOP Primary Tinderbox

It’s June twenty-twenty-four, and the air in Colorado’s Third Congressional District is thick with anticipation (and probably some wildfire smoke, let’s be real). The Republican primary race is coming down to the wire, and honey, it’s about to get messy. Think Real Housewives, but with less botox and more campaign finance violations.

See, this isn’t just any ol’ primary. This seat was warmed by none other than firebrand Rep. Lauren Boebert, who, after a surprisingly tight race in twenty-twenty-two, decided to hightail it to the friendlier confines of District Four. And you know what they say: when the Boebert’s out, the crazy comes to play.

The Contenders: A Mixed Bag of Nuts

So, who’s vying for the crown in this political pressure cooker? Let’s meet the gladiators, shall we?

Adam Frisch: The Not-So-Scary Democrat

First up, we’ve got Adam Frisch, the former Aspen City Council member who almost pulled off the impossible last time by giving Boebert a run for her money. He’s back for round two, and this time, he’s coming out swinging like a Democrat at a MAGA rally.

Ron Hanks: The Trump Train’s Conductor

Next, we’ve got Ron Hanks, a former state lawmaker who makes Ted Cruz look like a moderate. We’re talking hardcore conservative, folks. Think January sixth attendance, election denial, the whole shebang. He’s basically the human embodiment of a “Let’s Go Brandon” flag.

Jeff Hurd: The “Moderate” (Or Is He?)

And last but not least, we’ve got Jeff Hurd, the supposed “voice of reason” in this GOP gong show. He’s racked up endorsements from some big-name Republicans who wouldn’t have been caught dead supporting Boebert, but he’s also playing coy about his stance on Trump. Is he a true moderate, or just another wolf in sheep’s clothing? The jury’s still out on that one.

The Political Circus Comes to Town

This primary is attracting more attention than a Kardashian at a rodeo. Why? Because it’s not just about Colorado anymore, folks. This is a microcosm of the battle for the soul of the Republican Party, and everyone from the DCCC to the Koch brothers is watching with bated breath.

National Money, National Drama

The big dogs of the political world are throwing cash around like it’s going out of style. The Congressional Leadership Fund, the GOP’s big-money Super PAC, is running attack ads against Hanks like it’s their job (because it kind of is). Their argument? That Democrats are secretly hoping Hanks wins the primary so they can run against a walking, talking caricature of the Republican party in the general election.

Meanwhile, on the left side of the aisle, you’ve got Rocky Mountain Values, a progressive group that’s apparently decided to fight fire with gasoline. They’re running ads promoting Hanks and attacking Hurd, hoping to clear the path for a Frisch victory. It’s like they say: the enemy of my enemy is my…well, you get the idea.

Frisch: Playing Both Sides Against the Middle

And then there’s Adam Frisch, sitting pretty and watching the GOP eat itself alive. He’s running attack ads against both Hanks and Hurd, basically treating the Republican primary like a warm-up act for his own campaign. He’s hitting Hurd for not disavowing Trump and hammering Hanks for, well, being Ron Hanks.

Hurd, meanwhile, is crying foul, accusing Frisch of “dirty politics” and trying to rig the Republican primary. But let’s be real, Hurd: when you’re wrestling pigs, everyone ends up covered in mud.

The Elephant in the Room (Hint: It’s Not Ron Hanks)

Adding fuel to this dumpster fire is the Colorado Republican Party itself, which has officially endorsed—wait for it—Ron Hanks. Yep, you read that right. The state party has decided to throw its weight behind the guy who makes Marjorie Taylor Greene look like a voice of reason.

This endorsement has sent shockwaves through the Colorado GOP, with some establishment Republicans openly questioning the party’s sanity (or lack thereof). It’s like they say, if you’re going to shoot yourself in the foot, might as well use an elephant gun.

What’s at Stake: More Than Just Bragging Rights

This isn’t just some local squabble, folks. The outcome of this primary could have serious implications for the balance of power in Congress. If Hanks wins, the Democrats are practically guaranteed to flip this seat and add another notch to their belt in their quest to hold onto the House.

But if Hurd can pull off an upset, the race for CD-3 could be a nail-biter, with control of the House potentially hanging in the balance. And let’s not forget, Colorado is a swing state, so this race could even have implications for the presidential election. No pressure, guys.

The Wild Card: The Undecideds

With all the drama and intrigue, it’s easy to forget that there are actual voters in this race. And according to recent polls, a surprisingly large chunk of Republican voters are still undecided. These are the folks who are going to decide whether Hanks rides the Trump Train to victory or Hurd manages to pull off a come-from-behind win.

So, what’s on the minds of these undecided voters? Are they swayed by Hanks’ fire-and-brimstone rhetoric or Hurd’s more moderate message? Or are they just trying to figure out which candidate is less likely to end up on an FBI watchlist? Your guess is as good as mine.

The Final Countdown: Buckle Up, Buttercup

As the primary race enters its final days, one thing is clear: it’s anyone’s game. The attack ads are getting nastier, the endorsements are getting more desperate, and the candidates are starting to resemble characters from a political thriller (think “House of Cards,” but with better scenery).

Will Hanks’ brand of Trumpian populism prevail? Will Hurd be able to convince voters that he’s the true conservative in the race? Or will Frisch manage to capitalize on the GOP’s chaos and sail to victory in November? Stay tuned, folks, because this is a show you won’t want to miss.