Subway Shenanigans: A Plea to Parents ( Edition)

Okay, parents of Henley and Sand Ridge teenagers, we need to talk. It’s about your kids, the ones who think the Subway is their own personal playground/mosh pit/whatever-the-kids-are-calling-it-these-days. I’ve seen some things, man. Things that would make Jared eat a salad.

A Most Unholy Trinity (Plus One)

Just the other day, a group of teenagers – I’m talking three girls and a boy, peak awkward stage – waltzed into that Subway like they owned the place. Now, I’m all for a little youthful exuberance, but this crew took it to another level. Picture this: the four of them crammed into the single-stall bathroom. At the same time.

Look, I get it. Teenagers, hormones, need I say more? But this wasn’t just some innocent “the boys’ bathroom is gross” situation. This was a blatant disregard for basic hygiene, common sense, and you know, the clearly posted occupancy limit on the bathroom door.

The poor Subway manager – bless her soul, she deserves a raise and hazard pay – had to practically become a bouncer for the afternoon. She politely (the first time) asked the kids to vacate the premises. Did they listen? Of course not. They mumbled some nonsense about “needing to use the bathroom,” which, considering they’d been in there for a good ten minutes already, seemed unlikely.

Incriminating Footage (and the Consequences of Cool)

Now, some of you might be thinking, “My little angel would never!” And hey, I get it. We all want to believe the best about our kids. But before you go grabbing your pitchforks and torches, here’s the thing: the Subway manager? She’s got receipts. And by receipts, I mean video footage. High-definition, crystal-clear evidence of this bathroom debacle and more than a few other shenanigans from these Subway delinquents.

Don’t believe me? Feel free to ask the manager about scheduling a viewing of “Teenage Wasteland: The Subway Chronicles.” I hear it’s got more drama than an episode of “Euphoria,” but with less glitter and more… well, let’s just say it’s not for the faint of heart.

But here’s the kicker, folks. This isn’t just about public shaming (though, let’s be real, a little bit of that never hurt anyone). If this behavior continues, these teenagers are facing a fate worse than detention: a permanent ban from the Subway. That’s right, no more footlongs, no more cookies, no more sweet, sweet nectar of the soda fountain.

Maybe Try the Golden Arches?

Look, I’m not saying your kids are bad seeds. Maybe they just need a little…redirection. So here’s a thought: if the hallowed halls of Subway are just too much for them to handle, maybe they should stick to establishments with slightly lower standards. You know, places where a little chaos is expected, nay, embraced.

I’m talking about the good ol’ Golden Arches, baby! Yes, McDonald’s, that bastion of greasy goodness and questionable dietary choices, might be more their speed. I hear they’ve got those PlayPlaces where kids can burn off some energy, ideally without causing a plumbing emergency. Plus, let’s be real, have you ever seen a McDonald’s bathroom that wasn’t already in a perpetual state of disarray? They’re practically begging for a little teenage mayhem.

Think about it, parents. It’s a win-win! Your kids get their fast food fix, and the rest of us can enjoy a peaceful, somewhat sanitary Subway experience.

A Call for Parental Intervention (and Maybe a Group Discount on Febreze)

I’m going to level with you, parents. This isn’t just about a crowded bathroom or a few spilled sodas. It’s about respect. Respect for other people, respect for public spaces, and maybe even a little respect for the poor Subway employees who are just trying to make a living (and probably deserve combat pay after a shift during peak teenage hours).

So please, talk to your kids. Let them know that their behavior has consequences, and that acting like a bunch of wild animals in a confined space isn’t cool, it’s just gross. Remind them that the world doesn’t revolve around them (even though it might feel like it when you’re a teenager).

I’m holding out hope that we can resolve this situation without resorting to extreme measures (like a city-wide ban on Axe body spray). Let’s work together to restore peace and order to the Henley and Sand Ridge Subway, one footlong at a time.

In Conclusion (Because Even Subway Dramas Need an Ending)

Before you accuse me of being a grumpy old geezer who hates all things young and fun, let me just say this: I was a teenager once. I get it. But even back in my day (and yes, I’m old enough to say that), we knew how to behave ourselves in public (mostly).

So, parents, I leave you with this: please, do something. Talk to your kids, show them the error of their ways, maybe even invest in a good air freshener for their car (for everyone’s sake). And hey, if all else fails, there’s always McDonald’s. They’re probably used to it by now.

Thanks for listening, and may your sandwiches always be toasted to perfection.